Hate what you look like in mirrors and photos?
Well, the trouble with mirrors and photos… is that they lie to you!
A lot of folks I work with struggle with seeing their bodies- whether catching a glimpse of themselves in a shop window unexpectedly, checking the mirror to make sure their hair looks okay, or being tagged in a photo on social media. It can be a difficult and sometimes triggering experience!
When you live in diet culture (which means, well, all of us in the Western world, and quite a few outside of it!), there is a lot of pressure to look a certain way- often, this means thin, white, adhering to the gender binary, “made up” (whether that means make up or certain clothes), and a ton of other unrealistic expectations that no one can possibly adhere to.
We are an extremely image focused culture, and so our near constant exposure to photos on social media makes it challenging not to compare yourself to others or hyperfocus on what you look like. But mirrors and photos don’t capture the full…picture (haha, see what I did there?!).
5 tips to practice when you hate how you look
Try looking at your body as a whole, not zooming in on certain parts.
People tend to zoom in on the perceived “imperfections” instead of looking at their body as a whole. Of course you’re going to find things aren’t “perfect” when you stand an inch away from the mirror! Take a step back, use a full length mirror, and try seeing your body as a whole. Or start with something easier like…
2. Focus on parts of your body that you do like and/or feel neutral about.
If you tend to avoid mirrors and/or photos completely, try looking at certain body parts that are easier, like your hand perhaps, and then working up to more of your body or the more difficult parts. Try to be as neutral as possible about each body part, especially the ones you struggle with more. Saying something like “this is my stomach” and working on accepting that is what your stomach looks like, instead of “I hate my stomach” or even “I love my stomach”.
3. You can’t possible capture your essence/vibe in the mirror or a photo.
In a mirror or a photo, you will never see what you look like when you look at a sunset, or a cute dog, or someone you love. A two dimensional photo or mirror can’t possibly capture what you really look like, or what you bring to a room.
4. Remember that photos are taken with a variety of lenses.
An Instagram post that really changed how I saw myself in photos was one which compared photos taken with different camera lenses. Notice how different the subject looks when the lenses change. The fact that we are taking photos on many different devices means that a variety of lenses are being used, and we’re not always aware of the differences. We also view photos on many types of devices which can also change the perception of the photo. Angles and zoom can also play a role in distorting the way a body (or even a scene) looks.
5. Investigate your anti-fat bias.
Remember that fatness is not an inherently bad and ugly thing to be. Society has constructed and spread ideas about fat bodies that are racist, sexist, ableist, and there to support the capitalist agenda. There have always been fat bodies, and there have always been people who love fat bodies. If you find yourself hung up on your fatness, remember that every body is worthy of respect and love and this includes yours! I want to acknowledge that living in a fat body does mean that one has to live with the experience of marginalization and oppression, and it can mean that we don’t receive equal rights, care and access. But this oppression exists due to anti-fat bias, not fatness being wrong or unattractive in itself.
Ultimately, remember that the way you look is not a reflection of your worth! As a social worker I believe strongly in the first tenet of the CASW’s Code of Ethics, Values and Guiding Principles: Respecting the Dignity and Worth of All People. To me, this means every person, regardless of any identity has inherent worth. You don’t need to do anything to earn this. You certainly don’t need to look a certain way. Just by being a human, you are worthy and deserving of respect, care, and access to resources.
If you find yourself struggling with some of these ideas, it might help to seek some support around it. You can book a free 20 minute Discovery Call with me to chat and see if we might be a fit to work together.